*Official* Seethe thread: patter that should result in social cleansing

[Mikey]

First wasp sting of the year the day. Dead centre on the back of the kneecap

Bastards start flying like the boys in the Dambusters as soon as they see me

[King Kebab]

It probably had a look at your stupid shorts and thought 'I'm getting this bastard'.

[Mikey]

Got summoned down to my Gran's the other day because she said he had a present for me.

A pair of JCB 3/4 lengths. I've not seen 3/4 lengths in a shop since about 2006

Would have honestly rather she got me a pair of Vincent Kompany's breeks.

[King Kebab]

This is starting to get on my tits. 

Driving up the road, selfish pricks parked all over the place, you slow down and move over a bit to let a car get past you, put your hand up for some sort of acknowledgement of the situation, and they just fucking stare at you. 

Also, the amount of cunts you can visibly see swearing when they're in the wrong.
 Waiting for one of them to get out their car so I can put my fist through their face.

[King Kebab]

NPCs all over the shop.

[Big Physical Acey]

Neighbour (who's been renovating their house for the past two years) comes up to me this morning and goes "Hi - we're pulling up and replacing our driveway next week; it might cause your garden wall to collapse. Ok lol bye."

Oh that's alright then, thanks for telling me.

[Nive la France]

Silly wee wall for a silly wee man.

[Big Physical Acey]

To make matters worse, just lifted Acey Jnr 2 up to give her a ride on my shoulders. Felt something damp against my head and shoulders. Turns out Mrs Acey took her nappy off and put her shorts back on without telling me, and she’s just pissed on my head.

[Del-icious]

At least you don’t have any hair so it’ll easily wipe clean

[Floyd]

To make matters worse, just lifted Acey Jnr 2 up to give her a ride on my shoulders. Felt something damp against my head and shoulders. Turns out Mrs Acey took her nappy off and put her shorts back on without telling me, and she’s just pissed on my head.

Golden showers and a collapsing wall.

[Mikey]

Why would your wall collapse? Are they taking the driveway up with a bulldozer?

[Charlie Kelly]

To make matters worse, just lifted Acey Jnr 2 up to give her a ride on my shoulders. Felt something damp against my head and shoulders. Turns out Mrs Acey took her nappy off and put her shorts back on without telling me, and she’s just pissed on my head.

what a start to the weekend

[Fraggle]

Fair play Acey I didn’t think you had 2 rides in you wee man

[Big Physical Acey]

Why would your wall collapse? Are they taking the driveway up with a bulldozer?

The wall's not in great nick tbf; the mortar / concrete is a bit cracked. It's not exactly on the verge of collapse though.

The last thing I want is a dispute with my neighbours, but I'm going to put in writing a tersely-worded "if your builders damage my property it's for you to remedy, not me". Cunts previously had their builders drill into the side of our house to put up an exterior fence without telling us, no apology or anything like that. They've also fenced off a bit of land around the side of the house that belongs to us. Cannot be arsed with things like this man.

[Del-icious]

Surely it goes without saying if their work damages your wall then they have to pay for it?!

I didn’t realise you meant they weren’t going to take any responsibility if it did happen - cheeky fucks

[Mikey]

The wall's not in great nick tbf; the mortar / concrete is a bit cracked. It's not exactly on the verge of collapse though.

The last thing I want is a dispute with my neighbours, but I'm going to put in writing a tersely-worded "if your builders damage my property it's for you to remedy, not me". Cunts previously had their builders drill into the side of our house to put up an exterior fence without telling us, no apology or anything like that. They've also fenced off a bit of land around the side of the house that belongs to us. Cannot be arsed with things like this man.

Fucking right you should. That's taking absolute liberties if they're just expecting you to be sound with them destroying your wall

I can't see how taking up a driveway should cause it to collapse though.

[Del-icious]

£7.50 for a small tub and a bottle of water from the icy at holyrood park.

[Shteve]

£13.80 I got charged for a 3 mile taxi journey yesterday, under a 10 minute journey. I've been angry about it all day.